Flourescent Light
by Kaci Colton
Summary: Oh, god. Acting. That's really all I have to say for myself. xD Take THAT Miss Meyer!


Oh, acting.

What else can I say?

So my besties and I were in Acting class and we had to do an improvisational spoof of whatever we drew out of the hat.

As luck would have it we got Twilight.

There is nothing on god's green earth we hate with more passion than Twilight.

So, needless to say, we had oodles of fun with this.

This is an account of our adventures.

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Kaci: Maia

Alyssa: Alex

Sabrina: Jayden

I gave her the choice, she wanted to be Alex.

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Alex and Maia are mine.

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Disco ball, Mary Sue, and Mutt-man Edward and Bella and Jacob belong to Fidel Castro Miss Meyer

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Maia had to reread the tiny slip of paper about three times after she'd drawn from the black top hat in her teachers hands. She looked up and the teacher smiled wickedly. This was plotted. Mrs. Smith planned for her to get this particular piece of paper because she knew what would happen. She stared in disbelief at the paper.

"Cool. I wanna be Edward," purred Alex with the edge of a rattlesnake in his voice. Maia turned to face him and gave him a good slap across the face. He looked at her like she'd just shot him in the chest, but snapped out of it when Jayden began to laugh. Maia slapped him too.

"Aww, Baby, c'mon. Think of the fun we could have with this!" He gave her a peck on the cheek and she only grumbled and was dragged on stage by two of her favorite boys.

And so we begin the day again in Maia's head as she prepared to do an over-dramatic and sex-obsessed interpretation of Bella Swann.

It was not unlike any other day, in any particular sense. She failed to get up at the appropriated time, and so her youngest of her elder brothers decided it would be alright to dump a glass of ice water on her face. After she dealt with the little prick she took a rather hot shower. For breakfast she had a pop up waffle, wrestled with Dan for it, lost, and settled for the last of the muffin bites. After that adventure she washed up, made up, and then hopped in Max's car to go to school.

Once there she raced through her Geometry homework, which was due third period, while simultaneously chatting with, well, everyone, and trying to keep a normally horny Jayden at bay. How the boy could be so active at 8:30 in the am was beyond her. However he settled for molesting her hand with thoroughly grossed her out.

Once the bell rang her older brother, boyfriend, and she walked to their first block class; acting. Here Mrs. Smith announced that they were going to do improvisational spoofs on well known movies and shows. Everyone was pretty excited. Save for Maia, who had a knot I her stomach. She was able to sense when bad things crouched in waiting for her, and this was one time when it waited with an atom bomb in it fist.

Which brings us to this moment when Maia waited behind the curtain to do whatever it was she planned. She never even planned out her days, so improv was almost a natural for her and her family. But Bella was not. She never really dwelled too much on Twilight. She just, didn't like it. She didn't think about things that she didn't like. She saw it as unhealthy. Unless she was ranting, or picking a fight with a fan girl, which always served for a good laugh when she needed a pick-me-up.

But now she drew only a blank. Yeah, so this was a spoof, but she had to keep true to some of the personas. But she didn't know how much she could. And yeah, she did read all the books, and go see the movie, but, let's face it, the only reason she read a book a day was so she wouldn't have to keep reading it. It was a labor of OH MY GOD, GET IT AWAY, not love.

Time was up.

Alex huffed on his side of the stage and racked his hands through his hair. He huffed nosily again and ruffled his hair. Again he huffed, but then he paused. Then he growled and racked his hand through his hair. Maia scuttled onto the stage and tripped over her feet, flying forwards, directly into Alex.

There was laughter in the house.

He helped her up with a scowl and then fled with a ballerina-esque move. Jayden tromped on stage and slung his arm around her.

"Be careful with him." He looked over both shoulders and whispered loudly, "he's bad news."

Maia followed his gaze and whispered back, "How so?"

Jayden checked over his shoulder again and pulled Maia close. "He's a bloodsucker. Back when my tribe was young we lived in peace, and then the pale faces came, but then so did the blood suckers. And I don't really know the legend, but there you go."

"I think I'm going to respect your opinion as a friend, but disregard your feelings for me and do what I want." And Maia skipped backstage. Jayden was left looking utterly distraught and blew a kiss in her direction. There was more laughter.

After a time Maia and Alex walked on together. Alex looked just plain murderous and Maia looked deeply in love. She gazed up at Alex with huge eyes and she giggled stupidly. Alex looked at her oddly and then turned away with a growl. They sat down together and Alex scooted away. Maia followed and lifted herself onto his lap. She made a kissy face and Alex shove her off and made a noise like she'd just turned into a horrible green monster.

"You know you want this," she purred as she wiggled like she should have been alluring but wasn't. The motion was complete with mussing up hair and lip biting. He looked at her like she was crazy and walked away. Maia only followed close behind with labored breaths.

Alex turned just in time to have Maia fly at him and cling to his hips. She screamed comically as she humped him like a mad dog before he threw her off. Alex broke character for a moment and laughed hysterically before he went back to his manic depressed character. Maia breathed hard from the ground.

Out of nowhere Alex threw off his shirt. Equally out of nowhere Jayden ran on stage with some even more out of nowhere body glitter.

"Ting-a-ling-a-ling-a-ling," he sang as she dusted Alex's chest with it. Again Alex broke character with a faint laugh. Maia huffed like she was in heat and threw her head back, moaning, "You're impossibly fast. And strong. Your skin is pale white, and ice cold. Your eyes change color, and sometimes you speak like-like you're from a different time. You never eat or drink anything. You don't go out in the sunlight."

"Say it!"

"Vampire!" Alex growled at Maia and just as he was about to jump her Jayden flew out from the side stage howling. Maia only screamed and flailed while the two fought. Eventually Alex roundhouse kicked Jayden in the face. His foot wasn't mean to connect, but between the moment and his excitement, he didn't judge distance right. Jayden ended up with a bloody nose. Maia screamed and ran to him, popping her foot as she was folded into his arms. Alex roundhouse kicked her too and stalked off shouting profanities and calling her a slut.


End file.
